If I Am Missing or Dead... by Janine LatusBlue Archipelago Reviews

If I Am Missing or Dead… by Janine Latus is a shocking and powerful insight into the world of mental and physical abuse

Fiction or non-fiction? What’s the genre?

I wish I could say that this book was a work of fiction, but I’m sad to say it’s a memoir.

Why did you decide to read this book?

I picked this book up some years ago, based on the title and the cover art I think. I’m not sure I realised at the time it was a memoir. I finally got round to reading it as part of Melissa’s Memorable Memoirs Reading Challenge.

Summarise the book – without revealing the ending!

If I am Missing or Dead is a chilling insight into the world of domestic abuse. Janine suffers at the hands of her father, her boyfriend and then her husband. All the while trapped in an internal struggle where she blames herself as justification for their sinister and sometimes violent actions.

What did you like about this book?

I’m not sure ‘like’ is the right word to use when describing this book. It was gripping, and haunting, and terrifying and it had to be read through to its conclusion, but it’s not a book that you ‘like’ or enjoy reading. It was like watching a car crash – drawn into something horrifying and being intrigued as to how it all turned out while wishing that you never found yourself in the same position.

Throughout Latus’ recount I kept wishing this this was just a work of fiction because to think that real people suffer this sort of pain and torture at the hands of their so-called loved ones is extremely upsetting.

One thing I took away from it was the importance of communication, of speaking out if things don’t feel right and of confiding in those you know and trust. Janine and her sister found themselves locked in abusive relationships, but both thought that they were alone and painted a happy rosy picture to the other. I found myself begging them to confide in each other in the hope that together they would see that it wasn’t they who were to blame for the way they were treated.

Share a quote from the book:

Janine’s husband encourages her to dress in revealing and skimpy clothes, it’s almost like he’s showing her off as some sort of trophy. She is torn between wanting to be desired by her husband and wanting to feel comfortable in her own body. This quote is from a scene where Kurt makes her buy a thong bikini that she is not comfortable in:

“I am turning to see my backside in the mirror, It’s not a look I like. I am thirty-five years old and should not be in a thong. It doesn’t matter if they’re stylish or if they’re all the rage, doesn’t matter that in Europe I’d wear one without thinking twice, this is the United States and the only people who wear them are flaunting, inviting, enticing.”

“I’m flattered he wants me so much. And int eh room like this, when it’s just us, this is okay. The clothes turn him on, and that makes me feel desirable, so in a way the clothes turn me on, too. They turn me on even while they make me feel like a piece of raw meat in front of a cartoon wolf who is drooling, a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. I shift from foot to foot.”

Which of your readers are likely to enjoy reading this book?

Again this isn’t a book that anyone is going to enjoy, but if you want to read a book that is both unforgettable and compelling, or a book that is heartbreakingly honest while being saddening and disturbing then you will appreciate If I Am Missing or Dead by Janine Latus. But if you are caught up in a relationship where you are belittled or beaten and you spend your time justifying the actions of your partner then you need to read this book to understand that you are not alone, and that it isn’t your fault.