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If I Am Missing or Dead… by Janine Latus

If I Am Missing or Dead… by Janine Latus is a shocking and powerful insight into the world of mental and physical abuse

My Book Review Rating:

Fiction or non-fiction? What’s the genre?

I wish i could say that this book was a work of fiction, but I’m sad to say it’s a memoir.

Why did you decide to read this book?

I picked this book up some years ago, based on the title and the cover art I think. I’m not sure I realised at the time it was a memoir. I finally got round to reading it as part of Melissa’s Memorable Memoirs Reading Challenge.

Summarise the book – without revealing the ending!

If I am Missing or Dead is a chilling insight into the world of domestic abuse. Janine suffers at the hands of her father, her boyfriend and then her husband. All the while trapped in an internal struggle where she blames herself as justification for their sinister and sometimes violent actions.

What did you like about this book?

I’m not sure ‘like’ is the right word to use when describing this book. It was gripping, and haunting, and terrifying and it had to be read through to its conclusion, but it’s not a book that you ‘like’ or enjoy reading. It was like watching a car crash – drawn into something horrifying and being intrigued as to how it all turned out while wishing that you never found yourself in the same position.

Throughout Latus’ recount I kept wishing this this was just a work of fiction because to think that real people suffer this sort of pain and torture at the hands of their so-called loved ones is extremely upsetting.

One thing I took away from it was the importance of communication, of speaking out if things don’t feel right and of confiding in those you know and trust. Janine and her sister found themselves locked in abusive relationships, but both thought that they were alone and painted a happy rosy picture to the other. I found myself begging them to confide in each other in the hope that together they would see that it wasn’t they who were to blame for the way they were treated.

Share a quote from the book:

Janine’s husband encourages her to dress in revealing and skimpy clothes, it’s almost like he’s showing her off as some sort of trophy. She is torn between wanting to be desired by her husband and wanting to feel comfortable in her own body. This quote is from a scene where Kurt makes her buy a thong bikini that she is not comfortable in:

“I am turning to see my backside in the mirror, It’s not a look I like. I am thirty-five years old and should not be in a thong. It doesn’t matter if they’re stylish or if they’re all the rage, doesn’t matter that in Europe I’d wear one without thinking twice, this is the United States and the only people who wear them are flaunting, inviting, enticing.”

“I’m flattered he wants me so much. And int eh room like this, when it’s just us, this is okay. The clothes turn him on, and that makes me feel desirable, so in a way the clothes turn me on, too. They turn me on even while they make me feel like a piece of raw meat in front of a cartoon wolf who is drooling, a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. I shift from foot to foot.”

Which of your readers are likely to enjoy reading this book?

Again this isn’t a book that anyone is going to enjoy, but if you want to read a book that is both unforgettable and compelling, or a book that is heartbreakingly honest while being saddening and disturbing then you will appreciate If I Am Missing or Dead by Janine Latus. But if you are caught up in a relationship where you are belittled or beaten and you spend your time justifying the actions of your partner then you need to read this book to understand that you are not alone, and that it isn’t your fault.

Amazon.com Price: $3.57 (as of 2010-07-30 07:40:31 GMT) Product prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on Amazon.com at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.

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If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
	Manufacturer: Simon & Schuster Customer Rating:   List Price: $25.00 Sale Price: $3.57 Availibility: Usually ships in 24 hours Free Shipping Available Buy Now
Product Description
In April 2002, Janine Latus's youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved, it read, but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me... That same spring Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage -- a marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped. Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing. Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder. Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own -- and her sister's -- victimization with unflinching candor. This beautifully written memoir will move readers from the first to the last page. At once a confession, a call to break the cycle of abuse, and a deeply felt love letter to her baby sister, Amy Lynne Latus, If I Am Missing or Dead is an unforgettable read.
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Customer Reviews
I've read better   Review Date: July 9, 2010 Reviewer: Rini Thakrar, IN, USA I was highly unhappy with the book. I really will be selling it back. I wish there should have been more of an insight into AMY Latus. I do appreciate Janine's insight. I think it let's you in a mind of a victim. I didn't like how no one stood up to their father. I found the title and description highly misleading. Interesting, But Slightly Odd.   Review Date: June 21, 2010 Reviewer: Blohaney, Mass. This book was pretty interesting. I found the author's life story to be full of intrigue, but also much darkness. The description of her relationships, the abuse she suffered by the hands of the men in her life and her very rocky, anxiety ridden marriage was gripping. My confusion derived from the fact that I was under the assumption that this was a book written about her sister's lfe. That was not the case. The book is about Janine's life, all of it's ups and downs and the dinamics of her rocky marriage. Don't get me wrong, her sister does play a role in her story telling, but the book is about Janine. It's not until the end of the book that her sister becomes the primary focus of the story. One last note. Her writing style took some getting used to. Quotations are not used in this book at all which requires the reader to decipher between dialogue. Also, her writing is very choppy. The story doesn't flow with full sentences and paragraphs. Everything is broken up into brief descriptions....ie....."Went on vacation. Was going to ski. Didn't like it, waste of time. Went back to hotel. Sat and ate fries." By the time I was a quarter of the way through the book I no longer noticed her writing style, but it was a tad annoying at first. All in all, this book was good. It provided a very honest view of this woman's life. It was very personal and at time's upsetting, but I'm glad I read it. For any woman whose been involved in an abusive relationship, this book will hit a nerve. I greatly appreciated the author's honesty. A Story that Must be Told   Review Date: June 12, 2010 Reviewer: June Bug, Planet Earth I am rather surprised at the number of negative reviews for this book. The statistics in this country of battered women is quite staggering in spite of all the progress we have made in this country. Battering is something I grew up with and then experienced in my own marriage. In our family, half became the battered the others became those battering. This story is similar in a sense. The one battered was the black sheep of the family not the pretty girl or the successful girl and the woman telling their story, well she was all those and yet, she too was battered. Neither told their family their story until it was too late for one of them. Each was ashamed to ask for help for her own reasons and embarrassment. After living in a shelter for battered women and facing my own stuff - it is amazing to me that this is still the one taboo subject in many homes no matter what culture or social status. The author's objective was to tell the two stories and let us learn to be observer's and perhaps even become someone, who will intervene. If you are reading this review you are probably wanting validation for your own experience or trying to understand what is happening to someone you know. Let me encourage you that your voice can make a difference. You can change your life for the better or that person you know and this book might give you that insight. Title is misleading, readers will feel cheated   Review Date: June 11, 2010 Reviewer: Karen Ferrero, Morris, IL I am shocked and saddened by the tone of this book! Is this a book about the author's missing/murdered sister (as the title implies) or is it about the self-absorbed author? The title is very compelling and as a fan of true crime shows like Forensic Files, 48 Hours Mystery, etc. I thought this book would be interesting. I listened to it on audio and I must say that the author's sister--the true victim here--was done a huge disservice. This is the most self-indulgent piece of work I have ever picked up. I did give it two stars as I read the entire thing, wanting to know what happened to the author's sister, craving more details of her life and her situation leading up to her going missing. Unfortunately, these details were eclipsed by the author's own bouts of histrionics and lust for the spotlight--at the expense of her murdered sister. I was completely disgusted by the author's preoccupation of how much she weighed and what kinds of clothes she should wear. Really? Are you kidding me? Ironically, this book could have been so much more interesting and compassionate if written by someone else. I can't imagine an author's ego being so big as to exploit her sister's memory for your own personal gain, under the guise of bringing light to abuse. This book smacked of selfishness and the author's own personal need to be in the spotlight. So many details were left out it was frustrating. As a reader you were constantly asking "what happened" and "why". Perhaps Janine Latus did not have those answers, as she didn't seem to have a close relationship to her sister, in my opinion. Perhaps one of her sister's coworkers would have been better equipped to write this book. But then, what would have been Janine Latus' role in it? (Exactly!) If you strip away the content that focuses on Latus herself, this would have been an extremely short book. Now, don't get me wrong. I have been in toxic relationships and I do understand that emotional abuse is still abuse. If this was the message that the author was trying to send by illustrating through her own marriage, then in my estimation, she failed miserably. I was left feeling frustrated, cheated, and had no sympathy for this author--who has garnered fame and publicity as a result of the murder of her own sister. The tone of the book did not leave me with the impression that it was written for the purpose of educating or illuminating the dangers of domestic abuse or any purpose other than to indulge the author's ego. This book completely turned me off. The resources and website mentioned at the end seemed merely gratuitous, almost an afterthought. Gripping...hated to put it down at night.   Review Date: April 7, 2010 Reviewer: Sarah K. Budan, I've recently gotten much more into reading and am always searching for books that will grab me and be hard for me to put down once I'm started. This was one of those. Janine's writing style is smooth and easy to follow. While this story in no way mirrors anything I have ever experienced, it taught me some lessons in what to watch for when my daughter begins dating...as well as the importance of helping her feel good about herself starting now. An honest, real look at different types of abuse..   Review Date: March 24, 2010 Reviewer: E. Piccolotti, San Francisco, CA I have to say I completely disagree with the reviewers that were disappointed that the majority of the book was devoted to Janine's story rather than Amy's. Rather than a tribute to Amy's life, I viewed this book as Janine trying to come to grips with the fact that she and her sister, who seemed so different, were living parallel lives and no one knew about it. I felt that Janine viewed herself as simply lucky she was able to get out of the situations she did before she met the same demise as her sister. I thought Janine had a very authentic and honest voice throughout the novel and appreciated her candor of including many of the more humiliating details of the abuse she suffered from her husband. I think this book would be a great wake up call for many young women/girls to demonstrate that there are many different types of abuse and that an abusive behavior that starts small can and will escalate. Janine truly goes through all types of abuse (power/control, physical, sexual..they are all there) and I admired her bravery for being able to overcome these obstacles in her own life. The fact that she does not spend as much of the book discussing Amy's abuse illustrates how well many victims can mask their treatment. Janine didn't include as many details about Amy because she did not know them firsthand. I thought this further showed the guilt Janine felt about not knowing her sister as well as she thought she did and served as a further warning for women to be extra vigilant over their friends/sisters/mothers etc who may be being abused. Abuse is not always obvious and I felt Janine made this point very clearly and tragically in this well-written account. A MUST READ   Review Date: March 24, 2010 Reviewer: Carol Pfeil, Santa Barbara, ca USA This is a must read book for anyone who has been touched by domestic violence in any form. Janine and Amy's stories are a perfect example of how insidious it is. It's crazy how you think it must be your fault somehow. Women can learn from this book. Read it! heart-wrenching book   Review Date: February 26, 2010 Reviewer: Aaron Plattner, Chicago IL USA As a Christan male this book made me angry as the author and her family were horribly wronged by religion and males. A well-written recommended book for any male to understand the unfortunate tragic happenings of women all over the world. Besides angering the reader, this book will also spurn the reader into action to loving your female family members and/or become active in preventing abuse to women. Interesting , easy reading memoir.   Review Date: February 15, 2010 Reviewer: cattlefarmer, Virginia I so much enjoyed reading this book from cover to cover. Janie Latus talks about her life from growing up, dating, marrage begining to end and moving on. She also remembers her sister Amy and the abuse women endure. Good read!   Review Date: February 12, 2010 Reviewer: AHR's mom, Midwest I'm not much a reader, but I was drawn into this book. It's an eye-opener about domestic abuse. I couldn't put it down, yet at the same time I was so emotionally affected by the ups and downs. I only gave it 4 stars, because even the writer herself writes about her personal abuse, but in the end there was no grand finale. I wanted to see her become the hero, but it just kind of dropped off and ended. Anyone dealing with relationships should read this book.   Review Date: February 7, 2010 Reviewer: Julia E. Casey, This is a great read. I recognized many characteristics in my past relationships through this book and Janine and Amy's stories. Women are all too ready to accept the blame and work load in relationships whether they be through friendships, romantic relationships or business relationships. Ever the caretaker. Ever susceptible to passive aggressive behavior of others. Know yourself, know your responsibilities and know when things are not in your power to change. I loved Ms. Latus' writing style and found this book a "must read". A Good Read   Review Date: January 30, 2010 Reviewer: Regina Jones, Los Angeles A fast easy read. If left me feeling that I'd read a book that needed to go to a deeper level of truths. I felt that there was something not spoken in Janine's life that was not spoken in the book. A real connection to the devastation of sexual and emotional abuse and how the damage done lasts for a lifetime. I have highly recommended "If I Am Missing or Dead..." to several friends. The writing is good and moves along well. I am looking for to the next book from Ms. Latus. Could not put the book down   Review Date: November 1, 2009 Reviewer: Karen Strumlak, Lansdale, PA I look forward to Janine Latus' second book and plan to support her causes. Every young woman should read this book to help gain self esteem. Her honesty and heartfelt pain of her weaknesses in relationships and not loving yourself as you are is a lesson for every woman. This book was written in such a way that it will hit home for many women. How sad that Amy did not learn sooner how beautiful and loved she was without the fake feelings used by her killer. How touching that Amy was the reason for Janine's success and growth of herself. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and the author's writing. too much about janine   Review Date: October 24, 2009 Reviewer: , disappointing too much about the author and not enough about amy. the writing is cumbersome and the story of the authors life gets boring. i felt misled by the title. "If I Am Missing or Dead" By : Janine Latus   Review Date: October 6, 2009 Reviewer: Larry, This book should have been titled "The Janine Latus Story" By : Janine Latus I would strongly encourage you to read the one and two star reviews before wasting your time on this one. The reviews are accurate. The title is mis-leading, Janine Latus cares only about herself and wants to tell you all about her pitiful life, not Amy's. Amy's murder was used as a springboard for Janine to author this story about herself. If you want to read 300 pages of whining from a self centered, extremely selfish woman, look no further. My advice? Don't waste your time.
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